Revolutionize Your Resolutions
The contents of this newsletter first appeared on Your Tango.
Have you made your resolutions for 2016? Let’s get a fresh take on this age-old tradition – especially if you don’t want to make any resolutions.
How many times have you started out a new year strong, with better habits and goals and before you know it, the year is almost over and little has changed? The concept of creating resolutions at the start of a new year is so ingrained into our culture that I recommend pausing to examine this idea itself, then dive in with full awareness and full engagement.
Regardless of what others are doing, this is your unique experience and it doesn’t even have to start in January!
Every day is the start of another year-long cycle and resolutions are basically priorities that you choose so that you can live a life you love.
- Know what you are entering into. Making resolutions is often a paradigm of judgment, criticism and making yourself into a better you, one that you might feel less shame about – or something along those lines. It’s a way of saying “OK you’ve had your fun and you’ve slacked off and now it’s time to get disciplined and be who you should be.” and that doesn’t feel motivating to me. Shoulding upon yourself rarely brings about permanent change.It doesn’t even necessarily bring change that you are really wanting. Start by celebrating all that is right in your world, or all that you did accomplish this past year. Start with the good stuff you want more of, and then move to areas where you want change.
- The Ws – Who, What, When and Why. Who wants you to change? Is your mother saying you should quit smoking? Is your mate saying you should lose weight? Are your kids teasing you about your lack of exercise? Unless it comes from you, from within, change is less likely to stick and more likely to suck.What do you know you want to do (or not do)? Be clear and specific – lose 10 pounds vs. lose weight. By When do you want to have done or be doing, or stop doing your resolution? Be specific.Why are you choosing those particular resolutions? Is making this one the best way to get that result? Get in touch with how you want to feel in achieving each goal. If it’s for revenge or out of fear, it might not bring you the true results, the lasting good feeling you are looking for. And again, if a resolution is on your list because someone other than you says it should be, then re-examine it. Make those commitments only with yourself, not with someone else and make only those commitments that you really want to make.
- Resolutions require resolve. How can you end up 12 months from now feeling successful about your resolutions? It takes resolve, that’s why they are called resolutions.It takes self-awareness and discernment in naming your resolutions, commitment to start them and recommitment if you veer off course.Dictionary.com defines the verb resolve as: to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something). You are the decider, with your personal reasons and your action steps to get there. If, along the way, you want to make a change to your resolution, do it by conscious choice, don’t leave yourself hanging on this journey without an honest assessment. You can also increase your chance of success by getting the support you need, whether from a book, a professional or a friend. In the Old French origin of resolve lies the meaning: set free. Use resolutions to set yourself free, not pen yourself in.
- Suffering in the process is not inevitable. Yes, you read that right. Beating yourself up is not fun, not helpful and it will likely not help you reach your goals. So what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Love yourself through the entire process – for where you are when you start, for how great you are doing along the way and love yourself if you slip up. Then find your resolve and recommit…and do that as many times as you need to reach the goals you have lovingly chosen for your already magnificent self.
It’s all improv,
Jody Kaylor
Related Resources:
David Allen on decluttering: Good Riddance!